Attachment Style in Romantic Attraction

Attachment Style in Romantic Attraction

From the blog of YOG Talks #3 Guest Speaker Dr. Wendy Walsh

My phone has a digital clock set to some master satellite that can’t be wrong. This device is the wheel on which my own attachment style spins. If I am hugely sexually attracted to a guy, my stomach enacts a roller coaster ride of highs and lows — highs when I feel connected and lows when I cling to old feelings of loss. When he calls, I am at the top. Giddy. Empowered. Invincibly happy. But the second I hang up the phone, I feel my stomach lurch in another direction and begin the slow descent down a spiral loop into a tunnel of loneliness. Then I morph into both a vigilant clock watcher and a determined bullet biter. I will hang on now matter how long it takes. Until the phone rings again and I feel the butterflies in my stomach as that roller coaster soars upward again. I’m describing the old Wendy, of course. The one before seven years of therapy and reparative bonding experience with two healthfully attached children. Today, when I am hugely sexually attracted to a guy it is an indication that he will live out my worst fears, so I walk away. Most of the time.

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